I’m trying to make things better and put life in a more positive perspective. It’s a hard process and it takes time. It also opens up my eyes as to who is not going to be coming into the positive life with me. Some people have to get left behind. They aren’t ready for this experience.
They don’t want me around and I don’t want anything to do with them in my new life. We can part peacefully. They can stay in the past.
Some heartbreaks come and go. It hurts for awhile and then the moving on/letting go processes begin to make their way into our lives. The broken heart gains some perspective and starts mending itself.
However, there’s always that ONE person that the brain just cannot seem to forget. That ONE scar on the heart that will never go away or be forgotten. The one that lingers for decades no matter how much “moving on” takes place.
For many, the first heartbreak is the worst. It’s the one that makes an enormous impact on who we are as individuals. The one that changes our outlook on the universe. For others, the person entered in a pivotal time in life. Regardless of when or why, we all have our most intense heartbreak stuck away in a box somewhere, deep down in our memory files. No matter when or who broke the heart into a million shards of glass, we all have that one that we never truly, completely recover from.
What was so special about that person? Why does the memory of his/her face haunt our dreams for all eternity? Even when we find others to obsess over, others to feel the spark and connect with, the memory of that one person can never be booted from the brain. It’s life. It’s just the way things work. I wish I could selectively remove you from my mind, but I can’t. So I’ll see you soon, in a passing nightmare.
“But of all of the demons I’ve known, none could compare to you…” See the Light by Ghost
Closure, when referring to relationships, is bringing the connection to a close. It’s the conclusion to feelings, memories, and time spent together. Maybe feelings go on and memories pop into the head for months after the closing, but closure means peace has come to the mind and soul at the ending of the relationship.
So, with that being said, what happens when a person doesn’t get closure? What happens when the story lives on without a conclusion or resolution? I’m sure it’s a different experience for everyone, but here’s what I learned from never getting comforting closure:
1 – Sometimes you just have to move on.
We want closure to everything and we HATE not getting it. We dwell and dream of how great it would be to have a final talk to put everything out on the table. And sometimes, we get that. But other times, we don’t. Things can take a nasty turn and end abruptly without anyone getting to release caged up emotions.
The life lesson to be learned is that even though it sucks and painfully rips into the sensitive heart – it’s time to move on. Dwelling to hope of closure is extremely damaging. Yes, closure helps in the moving on process, but it’s not one hundred percent necessary. We can all move on just fine without it.
It might take a little bit longer and a lot of soul searching, but accept that closure isn’t coming and get started on the liberating journey of moving on.
2 – Writing letters without sending them might seem weird and cliche, but it can actually let out some of the tension leftover from an ended relationship.
Write it down and let it out. Tell that person what he/she meant and the feelings surrounding the relationship. Talk about everything. Write twenty pages if it feels necessary.
When the letter is completed and everything is down on paper, seal it up. Let it sit for a couple of days and then shred it pieces. Burn it, if you want to be intense. Either way, let it out, destroy it, and then move on.
3 – Get Help.
Moving on is one of the most difficult tasks on the soul. Get professional help because it can really aid in the process, and there might be more going on inside.
On a less serious note, I learned that any person who would treat me that way is absolutely horrible anyway. That was a terrible person I’m lucky to be free of.
So without closure – sometimes it’s best to just move on and writing letters can be cathartic. That’s what I learned.
Have a great day and move on from anything holding you back.
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