Some heartbreaks come and go. It hurts for awhile and then the moving on/letting go processes begin to make their way into our lives. The broken heart gains some perspective and starts mending itself.
However, there’s always that ONE person that the brain just cannot seem to forget. That ONE scar on the heart that will never go away or be forgotten. The one that lingers for decades no matter how much “moving on” takes place.
For many, the first heartbreak is the worst. It’s the one that makes an enormous impact on who we are as individuals. The one that changes our outlook on the universe. For others, the person entered in a pivotal time in life. Regardless of when or why, we all have our most intense heartbreak stuck away in a box somewhere, deep down in our memory files. No matter when or who broke the heart into a million shards of glass, we all have that one that we never truly, completely recover from.
What was so special about that person? Why does the memory of his/her face haunt our dreams for all eternity? Even when we find others to obsess over, others to feel the spark and connect with, the memory of that one person can never be booted from the brain. It’s life. It’s just the way things work. I wish I could selectively remove you from my mind, but I can’t. So I’ll see you soon, in a passing nightmare.
“But of all of the demons I’ve known, none could compare to you…” See the Light by Ghost
The person under the most scrutiny from our judgmental, harsh human brains tends to be – our own selves. I am my toughest, most persistent critic and I’m sure many others can relate to this. How could we ever be happy and content with an overly critical voice constantly screaming insults throughout the day? It is difficult, that’s for certain.
What can we do about this critic from within? How can we silence it and create a new, more positive voice? Having a compassionate, benevolent voice in your own head takes practice, but it’s very possible if you take the time to reshape your thoughts.
1 – Talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend.
Sometimes the way we speak to ourselves is absolutely cruel and unnecessary. Think of how you talk to a friend when he/she is in need versus the way you speak to yourself in difficult times. The responses are likely completely on opposite sides of the spectrum. Harsh words to yourself like, “You look ugly,” “You’re so stupid,” and “You should just give up,” are all too common. How often to do say this to a friend? Probably never. If you find yourself being overly-critical of the way you look, your habits, your words, etc., take a minute to calm down and talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. Say things like, “You look fine,” “You’re just having a rough day,” and, “You can do this.”
Would you personally hang out with a person who threw out degrading comments all day? If not, then you shouldn’t have to put up with it from yourself either. Make a conscious effort to swap up that inner self talk and add in tons of tenderhearted statements.
2 – Talk to yourself like you would talk to a child or a pet.
Here I’m referring that embarrassing, high pitched, baby-like talk that you give your kids and animals. We all have our own personal pet/child language, but they all have the same underlying message of “I love you with all my heart.” Go all in and spend five minutes in front of a mirror throwing out your most cheesy, childish compliments to yourself. “You’re so adorable, I love you, you are amazing and awesome, you’re so smart, I’m so glad you’re in my life!”
You deserve as much love as the cute kitty above. No holding back – it will feel terribly awkward and uncomfortable – but it will help you engrave more positive thoughts into your brain. And it will make you smile as well.
3 – Spend time with yourself.
Quality self-time is sure to open your eyes to the awesome person within. It’s great to be around others, but sometimes it’s necessary to hang out alone with your own thoughts. This quiet time alone is often something most people avoid – because it can be uncomfortable at first. In today’s world, we’re surrounded by stimulation to silence our inner voices. Social media, texting, talking with others, working too much – all of these serve as distractions from our thoughts. It can be scary to plan time away from the loudness.
Journal, take a long walk, go see a movie alone – the possibilities for a date with yourself are endless, and will not be as bad as you might think. Once you take the time to slow down and get to know who you really are, deep down, you will start to think, “Hey, I kind of like this person.” You also might surprise yourself.
4 – Say and repeat affirmations, in a mirror, at least twice per day.
Affirmations are awkward – it’s the truth. But they do grow less and less awkward with time and practice. And after awhile – you’ll even find yourself speaking those corny affirmations inside your head each time you see your own reflection. The first time I tried to speak a short list of affirmations in the mirror, I couldn’t. I stood there and stared at myself and started crying. I physically could not get the words to leave my throat. But I tried, everyday, morning and night. And then one day, one single affirmation came out. That’s all I managed that day, but it was a huge milestone for me. Work at it and create your own personal list of affirmations based on what your insecurities and sensitive spots are. Read that list out loud and in front of your reflection everyday and you will start to believe the words on the list.
Here are some of my personal affirmations as an example:
I’m a good person
I am enough
I am good enough
I’m proud of myself
I love my body
My body is strong
I am smart
I am creative
I am kind
My smile can make others smile
I love who I am
I am unique
If you are tired of talking to yourself with hatred and condemnation, please give the items in this post a try. Give it time, and your self talk will grow positive and uplifting. Thank you for reading this post and please know that you deserve to be treated with kindness from everyone – especially yourself.
Thank you for reading this post and I hope you are kind to yourself today.
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Back when she was young and hopeful, she let it inside and it ate her alive. With a willing host it can start its own life. Then the parasite punctures the host and watches it die. Slowly.
The virus overtakes the body and becomes the new person. It’s a rebirth combined with death and others will never know of the revelation. One day, it’s sand. The next, it’s snow. Warmth is replaced with flesh killing cold.
Many said yesterday was cursed. Numbers and celestial objects determine our value and worth. Cross your fingers and watch your step, just around the corner awaits a potential threat.
Hot or chilly, no one truly knows when the world will burn and follow the path of the dying star. The cat chases a moth in the night. He’s as black as moonless midnight. The prisoner in the basement dreams of grass and sunlight, but he’s too far gone. He can never leave the horrible hell he slid himself into. Crickets chirp outside the windows. They are invisible. Do they even exist? Or is the noise only in our haunted heads?
None of us has seen 10 p.m. since before summer’s bitter end. We’re all in need of extra freedom and friends. I did something wrong, I committed a sin. My own choice, it was. My personal destruction. I don’t regret it, and neither do you. Both of us lied and stretched the truth. So here we go, forever apart. Where did our friendship end and our battles restart? It very much still breaks my heart.
After listening to words of rejection and failure for choosing to improve my health with help, I’ve started to see myself as weak. Time after time, I’m forced to regret my decisions that ultimately saved my life. Apparently only the weakest of souls need help to be healthy. At least that’s what I’ve been told, indirectly, by multiple institutions.
Am I weak for seeking medical forms of help? Does that make me insane and incapable of protecting others or doing a job properly? I guess it doesn’t matter, because I’ll never get the chance to try.
When feeling down about all this, I found a new song by a band called Bad Omens. And it pushed me to realize that I’m not weak for seeking help. I’m a survivor and I still have a lot of life left to live. The song is called “The Hell I Overcame” and here are a few of the lines that helped me get back on my feet:
“Did you really think the pain would send me to an early grave? Did you think I couldn’t break these chains after all the hell I overcame?””God, please forgive those who doubt me, forgot about me, then throw them down into the flames.”
Instead of letting myself to not feel good enough, not feel capable of achieving something great, or allowing others to decide my fate, this song motivates me to put the pity party in the past and figure out a way to get what I want out of my life.
Maybe I don’t fit the perfect mold of what has historically set the precedent for what I want to be, but that shouldn’t lead me to give up on my dreams. It shouldn’t lead anyone out there from striving to become more. Never let others or a set of ancient rules tell you who you are.