Dear Rational Brain…Come Back

It’s one of those nights when you’ve left me to my thoughts without an intelligent filter. I’m weak, tired, and restless. Sleep won’t come to me and all I can do is wonder…

I want to run outside and scream and rip the bark off of the trees. I will hide my face from the world with my blood stained hands. With this occasional late night disease – I’ll never be free.

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I will scream and they’ll hate me.

I will scream and they’ll laugh.

I will scream and they won’t see me.

In my final scream they’ll attack.

Their words are so cutting. Must they be so cruel? All I ever wanted was to belong and be at peace.

I’m not meant to stay. They’ll run me off. I’m not like them. I don’t fit, I’m pushed outside. I’ll never get in.

I’m not of this world. I’m not right. All I feel and do is wrong in their eyes. God knows that I tried.

For now, to them, it’s goodbye.

Forever I’ll hide.

I restlessly await your return, Rational Brain. It’s going to be a long night. Make sure to be back by morning, as usual.

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You leave me less often nowadays. Your absence is rare. Thank you for that. I’ll remember that during my madness. We’ve not perfected the insanity, but we’ve come a long way, my Rational Brain.

I feel so much peace when you return to me. You see the light. I see nothing but darkness.

Promise me you won’t leave me again?


Late Night Irrational Thinking Brain

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Dear Darth Vader…I Get It

All I ever saw in you was pain. You were constantly suffering in agony. You were on the edge of exploding at any minute and that’s why you released your misery in destructive ways.

All your life you were lied to. You were ripped from your mother and later told to forget her. You were told not to love and that your feelings were shameful. You had to house all that love and anger until it festered and imploded. The dark-side was your only escape from the internal turmoil.

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Darth Vader, I understand you. I don’t blame you for turning to the darkness. The darkness can be a comfort to those lost and confused. You knew something was off about yourself and your emotions, but no one would help you…except one of sinister motive. He lured you into the dark with promises of hope and then trapped you inside forever.

Those who should have led you on the path of balance failed you. They let you down and left you dangling in front of the Sith. When no one would lend a helping hand, who would blame you for turning to the first face that offered a solution? The darkness swooped in and provided a path of preventing death. They comforted you when no one else would.

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But of course, they then betrayed you and let your loved one perish. No one would save you and the only entity helping you out betrayed you. The amount of hatred and excruciating pain would have been unbearable for anyone to handle. The grief and anger, the outrage and anguish – fully giving yourself to the dark-side was the only way to relieve the bottled up despair.

Throughout life you remained stoic, heartless, and harbored deep hatred. You took out your fury on anyone standing in your deadly path.

Until one day, when you saw a spark of light. You saw your son and he led you away from the darkness. He gave you redemption. He gave you peace.

I don’t blame you for your darkness, Vader, I only wish you had met Luke’s light after his birth and not twenty years later. I ache for your decades wasted in hateful destruction.

All you needed was Luke. Those of us lost in the suffering of the dark only need one spark of pure light to bring us out of the depths. Your spark came far too late, Vader.


I’m only glad that it came at the end. I’m thankful you did the right thing and kept your source of light alive.

Thanks for your story, Darth Vader.


Someone Who Has Found Her Light

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3 Hard Lessons from Never Getting Closure

Closure, when referring to relationships, is bringing the connection to a close. It’s the conclusion to feelings, memories, and time spent together. Maybe feelings go on and memories pop into the head for months after the closing, but closure means peace has come to the mind and soul at the ending of the relationship.

So, with that being said, what happens when a person doesn’t get closure? What happens when the story lives on without a conclusion or resolution? I’m sure it’s a different experience for everyone, but here’s what I learned from never getting comforting closure:

1 – Sometimes you just have to move on.

We want closure to everything and we HATE not getting it. We dwell and dream of how great it would be to have a final talk to put everything out on the table. And sometimes, we get that. But other times, we don’t. Things can take a nasty turn and end abruptly without anyone getting to release caged up emotions.

The life lesson to be learned is that even though it sucks and painfully rips into the sensitive heart – it’s time to move on. Dwelling to hope of closure is extremely damaging. Yes, closure helps in the moving on process, but it’s not one hundred percent necessary. We can all move on just fine without it.

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It might take a little bit longer and a lot of soul searching, but accept that closure isn’t coming and get started on the liberating journey of moving on.

2 – Writing letters without sending them might seem weird and cliche, but it can actually let out some of the tension leftover from an ended relationship.

Write it down and let it out. Tell that person what he/she meant and the feelings surrounding the relationship. Talk about everything. Write twenty pages if it feels necessary.

When the letter is completed and everything is down on paper, seal it up. Let it sit for a couple of days and then shred it pieces. Burn it, if you want to be intense. Either way, let it out, destroy it, and then move on.

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3 – Get Help.

Moving on is one of the most difficult tasks on the soul. Get professional help because it can really aid in the process, and there might be more going on inside.

On a less serious note, I learned that any person who would treat me that way is absolutely horrible anyway. That was a terrible person I’m lucky to be free of.

So without closure – sometimes it’s best to just move on and writing letters can be cathartic. That’s what I learned.

Have a great day and move on from anything holding you back.

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